So this week things got real, I did the math on my kg conversion from my surgery and realized i was actually 190lbs not 180...thats 30lbs since my mexico trip. It sucks, but what did I expect when I spent months eating my feelings. I haven't stepped on the scale since last week, I am afraid to but also I don't want to make this journey about weight but more so about loving myself through eating well and moving more. So as I put on leggings because thats what I can fit in, and drink my green smoothie today I am going to remember to be mindful of my eating and practice a little light yoga tonight after class.

Food journal for oct 21st

breakfast: Kale blueberry smoothie

Snack:plain shred wheat with blueberries, and peach slices

Lunch: plain latte

snack: one red bell pepper with guacamole; and pickles

dinner: asian coleslaw salad; glass of red wine and 2 s'mores.  (not the best choices but we roasted s'mores as a family.

Its not the best day but it is what it is.

I did a little light yoga and walked two miles today. 2 days post op and feeling pretty good.

Today marks day 2 post op, I feel great! I have some pain around the incision but none of the sharp constant pain that was there before. This morning I  had a green smoothie, and did about 10 mins of easy yoga. I didn't push myself, just a bit of stretching. My plan is to have 2 more green smoothies today and go for a nice walk.

Well here I sit, after back surgery, in no pain!! How awesome is that?!! Whats not so awesome is that I have chosen to eat horribly the last two days, I chose to eat my fear and stress. Well I could beat myself up and continue to eat this way for the rest of the week, but no tomorrow is a new day. I will wake up and make a green smoothie! Its going to be an awesome day tomorrow filled with recovery and less pain then that of the past 7 weeks. I am very grateful.

This journey is one of weight loss but also that of self love. I am choosing not to hate myself when I binge, and to love myself when I eat. I am excited about this journey! It will not be perfect, I can promise you that!

So here I stand at 180lbs, I have gained 20lbs since our trip to Mexico this past winter. I have an amazing ability to gain weight really fast. I love to eat, and often times I live to eat. The past 5 months I have eaten my anger, my stress, my joy, and my sadness. I have done this on and off for my whole life.

This is a blog about finding my way to a healthy relationship with food. For those of you who do not struggle with these issues I know you will think I am silly. I have such an all or nothing personality that I have either barely eaten or binged. Moderation is a skill I have yet to learn in the past 33 years. I really hope to gain that through this journey.

I have chosen to transition to a whole foods plant based diet. I am hoping to lose weight yes...but more importantly gain a better relationship with food and learn to love myself again.

Recently I hurt my back and am having surgery this Wednesday to fix the herniated disk in my back. So working out will be minimal, it will include walking and some easy yoga. I hope this blog will just be a journal for me and a place of accountability for me. If it helps someone else then that is awesome!